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When You Deny Rejection You Deny the Lessons it Can Teach You

All the negative outcomes you personally feel in sales are a testimony to the power of your mind to create negative experiences. Do not despair. The mind is just as capable of experiencing those exact feelings in a positive way. So when one feels rejected in sales, one is really feeling afraid of their own personal power to create whatever experience they want.

Seek not to eliminate rejection. Seek to change your mind about it. This is very empowering, because we now know that we do not have to look outside ourselves for personal validation anymore. We rarely feel rejected or negative for the reasons we believe.

Taking things too damn personally, feeling rejected and frustrated in sales has more to do with being self-indulgent, self-righteous and self-important, than it does with defending common courtesies. Taking a balanced perspective is very important. When you take positive things too personally you will tend to also take negative things too personally. "You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance," said Ray Bradbury. That is a tough one!

Because conventional sales people generally have strong, fixed and defined personalities, they will disproportionately experience rejection personally. They tend to have their self-concept too tied to results.

To neutralize rejection and frustration, take on a posture of "not knowing." When we struggle and fight against our "not knowing" it causes confusion and leads ultimately to more frustration. Too often traditional sales people are control freaks trying to master and control positive outcomes and the timing of them. This is another major source that leads to frustration and rejection in sales; being controlling.

Sales people spend too much time, effort and resources thinking and not enough time simply experiencing; even experiencing negative things. It is impossible to feel rejected if you remain present and in the moment. Problems and rejection cannot sustain themselves in the present moment. They flourish only after-the-fact.

First and foremost we feel rejected and then we seek out unqualified circumstances and prospects to confirm it. Remember, rejection was already there before you experienced it. It was never the prospect, the lost deal, or the inappropriate client behavior that caused a feeling of rejection. All those things are after-the-fact of the emotional baggage of unresolved past rejections you have been carrying around for a long time, which are totally separate and different experiences.

Our struggle with rejection gives us a heightened sense of false self. That is one of the hidden poisons of rejection, in a weird way, it makes us feel whole. Rejection will continue to dog sales people until they come to terms that rejection is all about choosing responsibility to how one should feel. Do not deny or reject rejection. To deny it is to deny the lessons it can teach you. You need to confront it before you can move beyond it. And that is through the "non-action" of awareness, not through the "action" of trying to repress it or ignore it.

Richard Farrell is President of Tangent Knowledge Systems, a national sales development and training firm based in Chicago. He is the author of the upcoming book Selling has Nothing to do with Selling. He trains and speaks around the world and has authored many articles on his unique non-selling sales posture.

Phone: 773-404-7915
EMail: rfarrell@tangentknowledge.com
Web: http://www.tangentknowledge.com